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  • Dating Service Commercial (Jon Lajoie)

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    We made it work long enough to ship it. When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound. Old design failed, maybe this one will work. We got a good deal at a government auction. You can return it from most airports. Nothing we ever had before worked this way. We finally got it to fit together. Does things we can't explain.

    One of our techs was laid off by Boeing. Just one, but it'll take technical support weeks to sort out the mess left behind. How many salespeople does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under him. How to Sell Insurance Boudreaux's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance.

    The Captain decided that he would not ask Boudreaux about his selling techniques but would sit in the back of the room and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch. How to Sell Shoes A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.

    The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. He notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer.

    The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish. And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats.

    You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant. So the customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

    The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. You're ripping me off! The name of your dog is Commission. Your hero is your uncle, an infomercial spokesman. You have the company logo tattooed on your forearm. You neighbors avoid you on the sidewalk.

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    You pester your minister for referrals. You send product coupons with your Christmas cards. You don't feel right swimming without your cell phone. Hanging out at the convenience store waiting for lottery winners is considered prospecting.

    Jehovah witnesses close their drapes when they spot you. Your spouse will only introduce friends to you by their first name. You drop a business card in the church collection plate. You mix up the travel briefcase with your bigger briefcase of customer brochures.

    Your car lease has higher payments than your home. You buy deodorant and indigestion tablets by the caseload.

    The Neighborhood Watch Committee has you on its list. Your local gas station gives you free breathe mints with every gas tank fill-up. You car always has two extra spare tires.

    You purchase pens in bulk, every week. You go to the cemetery to get your prospects elegant flower gifts. Your kid's allowance is based on commissions earned. The church has banned you from receiving their membership address directory.

    The Chamber of Commerce will blacklist you if you introduce yourself. Pigeons have made your car their favorite neighborhood target. You car has radar for spotting bikes, baby carriages, and kids' toys. Now you only get one. Jokes in the Sales Office The boss of a large company says to his trainee: What position does she play? How do I go about it? What he saw was yesterday's paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where's the story about the big swindle?

    Get out there and sell him a houseboat. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David.

    This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism.

    As Seen on TV: The 10 Most Laughably Misleading Ads

    In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite. Sales were fantastic, and after the first three months the optimist was elated. Customers love our products, and we're selling more every week. I'm an independent salesman. I take orders from no one. There is no special relation between what you want and what you need, and this makes selling interesting. Sales Ad at a Store: The dearer a thing is, the cheaper as a general rule we sell it.

    Samuel Butler The team on top of the mountain didn't just fall there. They are like ripples in the water It's never crowded along the extra mile. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Two blondes walk into a building. You would have thought one of them would have seen it.

    How to Sell a Naked Nun A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked, there's a knock at the door. The nun calls, "Who is it?

    The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, "Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie? Someone asks him, "How much are your parrots?

    He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.

    Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Nobody wears shoes here! They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem.

    He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. It's been a year! There was only silence at the other end of the lineso I finally just hung up.

    He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
    But the medium is still as relevant and powerful as ever. While TV spots and social media campaigns also play into how brands promote themselves, print adverts are still a key part of the puzzle.

    And just because you're working with an age-old medium doesn't mean your design can't create something memorable and full of impact — as these examples prove.

    In this article, we've pulled together the most impressive, funny, controversial hard-hitting and downright genius print adverts around. Read on for a masterclass in promoting your brand through print. Hit the icon in the top right of each advert to see the full-size image Alvogen How do you advertise medication without using words?

    In Iceland there are heavy restrictions on how medication can be advertised, including strict laws on the text allowed in a campaign. This naturally makes it a challenge to market a new medicine. With this in mind, Kontor Reykjavik decided to focus on imagery for its campaign for Alvogen — a global, privately owned pharmaceutical company — with a clear focus on being dependable, fun and energetic.

    Clever visual puns align the practice of checking your breasts for early signs of cancer with typical teen rites of passage such as going clubbing and being able to buy alcohol.

    Where there is one, there are more There's never just one Boeker Public Health is a major pest management and food safety company based in the Middle East.

    The agency focused on replicated an authentic Russian Matryoshka doll aesthetic, first painting each design onto a wooden surface, then mapping these designs onto a 3D rendering of a doll. The project picked up multiple awards. Ethosthe studio behind the campaign, created the images by photographing real objects that had been hand-painted in different colours.

    A Better Job is Waiting Have you been sat in your job too long? Deftly retouched photos show bored workers at their desks, sat still for so long mould has started to grow on their bodies, or spiders have set up their webs on them.

    Kill it with fire If there's one thing we all know about KFC, it's that it's finger-lickin' good, and it's this irrefutable fact that's inspired this series of frankly unsettling print ads. In them, everyday objects suddenly sprout mouths wherever your fingers might touch them, in the hope of licking off a little of the Colonel's chickeny goodness.

    Thanks for tonight's nightmares, guys. Kiss with Pride Thought-provoking stuff from Absolut It's been over 50 years since homosexuality was decriminalised in England and Wales, but today it's still illegal in 72 countries around the world — and punishable by death in eight. To highlight this, Absolut, in collaboration with LGBTQ charity Stonewall and BBH Londoncreated this series featuring close-up shots of same-sex kisses, with many of the subjects coming from the countries where these kisses could land them in prison, or worse.

    If these clever adverts for Heinz look kind of familiar, it's with good reason. They originally featured in an episode of Mad Men where Don Draper tried to pitch a series of ads showing food that goes great with ketchup, but without the ketchup itself visible.

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    Draper argued that people would fill in the gaps for themselves and create a stronger association in their mind, but Heinz wasn't going for it. Now, however, the company's changed its mind and, with DAVID Miamirolled out these near-exact reproductions of Draper's pitch; talk about a man ahead of his time. Burger King Maybe get a takeaway rather than eat in, yeah? Burger King prides itself on flame-grilling its burgers rather than frying them, but we all know how fire can misbehave if you don't keep a close eye on it, right?

    Burger King holds the record for the most restaurants that have burned down sinceand that's the brilliant angle seized by DAVID Miami in one of its many innovative campaigns for the company, using genuine photos of blazing BKs to emphasise how it cooks its burgers. In springthe unthinkable happened. KFC ran out of chicken. Thanks to problems with a new distributors, the Colonel ended up temporarily closing most of its UK restaurants.

    KFC handled it like a true pro, putting its hands up and accepting responsibility, and bringing in Mother London to create a print ad apology that instantly went viral.

    Check out more companies that have mastered the art of saying sorry or not in our roundup of the good, the bad, and the WTF of brand apologies.

    Pee on this ad This print ad doubles up as a pregnancy test Usually, if someone wants to wee on your advert, it's not a good sign. However, Ikea actively encouraged it in this crib advert, which doubles up as a pregnancy test. If the result was positive, the retailer would offer the mum-to-be a half-price crib, shaving pounds off the several thousand they'll be shelling out for their upcoming bundle of joy.

    Delta Dating Wall Not that well-travelled? Fake it According to Delta, world travellers are more likely to attract right swipes on Tinder, but what if you can't afford to go away to snap that perfect profile pic? Chambord Like a randomly placed cabbage? It used the campaign to push back against the pressure on women to conform to certain rules with its 'Because No Reason' tagline that encourages people to do what they like, just because they like it.

    TK Maxx It's true: Jeep Deer or penguin? This print ad campaign was created by Leo Burnett Franceand plays on the idea that with Jeep, you can go wherever you like and 'see what you want to see'. Each ad features an image of an animal, which, when turned upside down, turns into another creature from the other side of the world: Penguin Audiobooks The Miami Ad School saves paper with this clever print ad It's a bold move for a company that has built itself on selling paper books.

    When Penguin needed to push its audiobook offering, Miami Ad School decided to tackle the eco issues of paper production head-on. The intricate illustration in the bark is a lovely touch. Ogilvy once again proves itself as a print advertisement master, this time in a campaign for allergy medicine. Simple yet effective colours and a smart illustration trick — using the silhouette of common allergens to 'block' the figure's nose — make this an ad that pops from the page.

    Teapot The monochrome colour scheme perfectly complements the output Ogilvy is known for creating some of the best print advertisements around the world. This is just another example of its brilliant work. Created for Fevikwik Instant Adhesive, it's one of a three-part print advertisement series that uses clever illustration and a monochrome colour scheme to its fullest potential. A cool image paired with a brilliant tag line 'We are made of rock' capture the brand's attitudes, product and ethos effortlessly.

    Using a signature-like handwriting font also ties in with the rock star aesthetic. Ashtanga Yoga This brilliantly inventive ad homes in on the benefits of yoga practise for your back Created by Israel-based advertising agency McCann Ericksonthis print ad for Ashtanga Yoga homes in on the benefits of yoga. In it, the bones of the spine are transformed into a snake; a concept that also deftly captures the idea that yoga will bring you a super-flexible back.

    The tagline 'Before your back attacks you, Ashtanga Yoga at the Garage fitness club', drives the point home.
    My Lil' Reminder What they're selling: A digital recorder, which is like an MP3 player except it records instead of playing back and can only hold one second track so you can leave yourself reminders in audio form.

    The scene opens with a senile grandma wandering around a parking lot. Weighing her options, which are searching for her car using a systematic procedure or talking to herself out loud before grabbing her head in frustration, she chooses the latter. Sadly, if you're constantly forgetting things, lack the problem-solving skills to compensate, and cannot manage enough insight into your own uselessness to carry around a pen and paper with you at all times, then you may have advanced Alzheimer's Disease.

    You have no business wandering around a parking lot unescorted, let alone getting behind the wheel of a car or operating a digital recording device. Continue Reading Below Advertisement The reality: We must admit, though, that the bit with the guy using it for storing driving directions was pretty convincing.

    If we ever sense that our ambient levels of smiling doucheness are running low, we'll be sure to place an order. Of course, that's assuming the thing works properly. According to people who actually used the product: She recorded the message on her recorder I saw her do it It was too late to go to any pharmacy My wife didn't get her medication. The funeral was Monday. Continue Reading Below Advertisement The hyperbole: Knife chick, here, is not an enthusiastic food preparer.

    We know this because her scenes are in black and white, and because she would seemingly rather look anywhere but at the knife she is wielding and the 1-inch-thick slices of potato she is lopping off. When the inevitable happens she cuts herselfshe is exasperated with the whole concept of this 2-million-year-old technology. It's hard to say which is the saddest exaggeration here. Or, is it 30 seconds later when they boast "No Messy Clean Up" over a shot of a potato-encrusted glove held under a stream of water that makes absolutely no progress toward removing the clumps of skin from the orange bristles?

    It's always shown peeling a vegetable that's clearly been pre-peeled, and that arouses our suspicion.

    Dating Service Commercial (Jon Lajoie)

    The carrot scene left us aroused in a different way.

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